maybe i'm just cynical

I love his enthusiasm, really. But somehow I just can't find it in me to appreciate it like how I used to anymore.

Maybe I'm turning in to a cynical old crone.

story of my life

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. And then, one not-so-very special day, I went to my typewriter, I sat down, and I wrote our story. A story about a time, a story about a place, a story about the people. But above all things, a story about love. A love that will live forever.

The greatest thing you'll learn is to love, and to be loved in return.

- Moulin Rouge

Remember the days, when I used to watch
Watch your laugh as you sit with her
Think back on days when I was content with a glance
No longer, not now, not anymore.

Now I long for so much more
I've seen so much, I've let hope run amok
But hope is a fickle thing, something not to be trusted
Its a dream-feeder, its a heart crusher

So no more, no more
Its time to lift the haze over my eyes
Let it end, stop it now
The time for childish infatuations is gone

No more dreams, no more hopes
No more childish fantasies
Its time to life, its time to breathe
Its time to live the life I wish

4 years is enough, 4 years too long
2 years spent watching, 2 years spent on dreams
But I've never had the courage, so I'll back down now
4 years spend wasted, now its the end of it all.

On another note, dang I'm hungry.

antiquity in the midst

University is so omfg hell. Monash somehow piles the assignments/quizzes/essays on you like there's no tomorrow, and then expect you to survive everything. Aish. BUT I SHALL PERSEVERE. Together with MUSA and MPAC. Because I have to. Because I chose everything I'm doing now myself, I'll be a hypocrite to my own self if I don't. I've been barely getting enough sleep lately from staying up late to do work, but I spent today out instead of finishing my FTV essay. Bad idea, but I needed a break.

I went to Amcorp Mall! Haven't been there for half an age, and the last time I went I was a kid. I forgot how the flea market there is oh so amazing. How so? They sell the most amount of antiques I've ever seen. Its not a typical flea market there with handmade stuff. Its really, old-school flea market with stuff people take from their homes to sell.

Gramaphones! And old black discs! dude, how often do you find stuff like this these days. But here in Amcorp Mall, even the CD shop has this in a rack. I even found the original soundtrack for Grease! Not that I bought it, I'll never be able to play it. But it was amusing to see.

The only other place I've ever seen this chair was at my grandma's house in penang. And I don't even see them anymore these days, i have no idea where they went. But their antiques? wow, then my grandma's house must have a lot of these then. xP

I have no idea what this is. A cinema reel? If it is, then man thats oldddd. We don't even use VCR's anymore, much less reels.

Old cutlery! Knives and spoons and forks were the most interesting items there. I never knew the old cutlery used were rather different.

I'm guessing coke bottles from all over the place? Or different types? I have no idea.

Old army hardhats! They were steel and were slightly greening around the edges. Definitely old. xD

Dude, I haven't ever seen cameras like those except for the one my grandpa has which he used to own when he was a teen apparently. And those irons are god-awesome heavy. They were super heavy as it is, I could barely pick them up! Imagine hot coals were placed inside to heat them up before ironing the clothes back in the days. My grandma used to use this apparently. Dayum. And I'm not so sure if those are deco, or real viking axes or something, but they were heavy.

Instruments! I'll probably be learning about these in the next sem, for my Asian music elective, but woo! I think the flat, guitar-looking one is made out of turtle shell if I ain't mistaken.

Locks! Like, huge ass heavy ones too. They were the size of my palm, and I have no idea what key do you use to unlock them.

Oh! And there was this shop in a corner of the flea market, nearer to the escalators which sold all sort of things.

I asked my mom if she would wear that. She gave me 'the look'. Whats wrong with it?! All flappy and furry. >D

They sold old Form 4 textbooks! 8D

Even boxful of knives wtf. I went O-O when I saw them. Who the heck sold a boxful of knives just like that?

Ended up buying some treble clef stuff for my cousin just before we went out to this bookshop in Amcorp which has like... incredibly cheap books. You know how Dan Brown books are like, 70 over outside? Its sold for 9.90 there! The book is called Xcess or something, and I'm definitely returning there to get more books to read. I bought the whole set of Warriors books for 49.90! All six of them!

Anyway, its back to hitting the books and microsoft word to finish my essay. I can't wait for holidays next week. Mid-sem break my saviouh~

busy busy busy

its the end of the month. which equates to deadlines, practices, and meetings meetings meetings.

so my schedule these days is go to school > get to classes > slot in meetings in between > grab a bite at some unearthly hour (sometimes not at all) > get home around evening and get to work on whatever i was assigned at meeting.

ahhh! not that i don't enjoy it, i do. i just stress myself out easily.

caffeine = DNW

No more coffee for me.

I haven't had coffee for a mega long time, so I got myself a latte today at school whilst in FTV class. Barely 1/4 in to my cup, I felt a headache. And then I felt sick like I haven't been in a long time. Wanted to throw up, but then i was in class, and then later in a car. Back at home, I just lay on bed for like five seconds, before going to do my work.

I think my body hasn't been in touch with coffee for a long time, so much so that today, it just rejected coffee. Brargh. That means no more coffee for me, ever.

And from here, I've learnt two things. One, I'm never ever touching coffee again. Two, I think I'm a minor workaholic.

must not fail

Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a spendthrift, and neither am I bathing in my riches. In fact, I'm actually rather thrifty on my spendings, and frankly half of my clothing came from knocked down prices and stuff. And neither am I the smartest student out there who can snap straight A's in the blink of an eye. I study my ass off. Even for my driving exam. I don't study outright, I prefer doing it in seclusion. My motivation?

Money. No, i'm not a money faced idiot. I just think I shouldn't waste money on my studies when I can pass it the first time without forking out extra.

My whole driving force behind my theory driving exam? "If I fail, I'll have to fork out another chunk of money to pay for another exam. MUST NOT FAIL." And my SPM? "If I fail, my moms gonna have to use hell of a lot of money to pay for a resit and another year of form 5. MUST NOT FAIL." And so... yes, my motivation is money. And I pretty much set out what I wanted to do since I was in Form 3, so I knew what I had to do.

Now... I'm in Monash. And the pressure is getting to me. There's like, 4 assignments to hand up this month alone, first month. And then there's meetings for my clubs, and my deadline for editorial. I'm not complaining, trust me. I joined everything of my own free will and I love every second of everything I do. But at the same time, I can't help but wonder if I'll be able to cope? I stress myself out easily, and its barely the second week. Know what? I couldn't sleep on Wednesday night cause I was fretting about my assignments and stuff. I wonder how it'll be like in days to come.

But nevertheless, the same thing. "If I fail, it means A LOT A LOT of money to repay. SO I DEFINITELY MUST NOT FAIL." In fact, its the only thing I'm moderately good at, so I'll try my best to get the best grades I can get. ever. Wish me luck? ^___^

random updares v6.

A few random updates in my life, which actually doesn't amount to much. Shows you just how much dull my life has been, though its definitely not for lack of work.

Assignments! Its only 2nd week of university, and i have like... 5 different assignments to think about. Of course, the fact that I'm mostly going 'O-O' during lectures is not helping either. I just spent 3 hours going through all my notes, and i feel like shriveling up.

Joined MUSA! Well, a part of MONGA, technically. I'm on the editorial board for the Monash Gazette, and we get to choose what we want to write~ I'm on movie review this month, but we'll see what I do next month. >D

Finally! After a year of looking, I finally found Dragonlight in MPH today when I went there with Alison. Much fun! And i'm probably going to spend my week reading it~

So now, lets see. I have a Journalism brief to finish, get my editorial stuff done before deadline next next week, and then get Com1010 presentation and essay done. Ohman. Wish me luck.