Of hot sweltering afternoons, and everyone cramped in an air-conditioned room.

Of lining up to use the single bathroom, in a house filled with 30 odd people.

Of mismatched bedcovers, and a quiltwork blanket.

Of kids hankering for game consoles, and screams of unfairness and childhood arguments.

Of sibling argument echoing, and friendships that last a lifetime.

Of climbing fruit trees in our backyard, and food never lasting more then a day.

Of a dilapated house, where nothing is new and everything has memories attached to them.

Of a house that is old, and warmer then anywhere I've ever known.

Learning the value of sharing is caring, and learning to let go.

This is a house? No, this is my home.

pride of a nation

Fuh. Just finished watching LCW's watch with Lin Dan in the London Olympics badminton men's singles finals. Never actually sat down and watched something sports related and felt such intense stress and adrenaline before. That was a first, albeit very stressful. I was clawing at walls and cushions when it was down to the final few points. :P


Sure, LCW didn't win. So what? He played an amazing game, and for someone who just recovered from a ligament injury, it was just jawdropping. He loss sure, but he also managed to unite the whole nation, and he remains a hero at the very least in Malaysia's eyes. You put our country on the map, and nevermind the internal affairs and politics that goes on, with this game we know that when push comes to shove, Malaysians will also stand behind each other, be there for one another. Why say you're sorry? Say anything but sorry, because you put up an amazing fight, you made Lin Dan worry that maybe he may not win, you gave it your all and then some, and thats what matters the most. Malaysia is still proud of you, and will always be proud of you for all your effort, and a silver's better then nothing aight? ;)

 Sometimes I don't get why people keep saying that he's fighting for the incentive, the gold bar, the prize money, and that they want the holiday and the free ice cream if he wins. So what if we lose the holiday, the ice cream, the money? We want, and I'm sure thats what LCW was fighting for to, for national pride and for our anthem to be played in the Wembley Arena. With his retirement (maybe?), perhaps we still have a long wait in front of us, but I hold out hope that one day we will hear it. And perhaps thats why I'm home. Because I will never feel such attachment to any other country.


Because at the core of it all, no matter where I am or who I'm with, I'm a Malaysian through and through, and I'd rather be home than anywhere else in the world.

I look at marriages and unions of the people close to me, and with each one I see, the fear of commitment, of long term relationships only grow. I've seen people who I thought was impossibly in love, only to fight and squabble after a long time.

How can I trust? And how can I believe in everlasting love if the ones close to me don't practice it themselves?

All I want is a deep, abiding relationship where I can live in the secure knowledge that he would never leave me, never want anything but the best for me, and would never put anyone else before me. Might be a bit selfish, but I've lived enough trying to please everyone before me, that I simply want someone who would try and please me for once.

Of wishes and dreams, for someone who would love me for who I am, respect and accept what I want, and always be there for me.

Its the 10th... well, officially the 11th, since its almost past twelve. But whatever it is, I have a little over 2 weeks before I go home, and its a bittersweet feeling really. While I've come to love and adore the countryside that is Gippsland, not to mention the amount of friends, memories and loves I've made here, at the same time I can't wait to return home as well.

I will not deny it, I've fallen in love with this city, this country, this place. What's there not to love? Efficient public transport, amazing culture, and while Australia has its own drawbacks as well, its altogether an amazing place to be. Even in Gippsland, I cannot help but marvel at the wonder that is slow point, especially at dusk. The way of life where people would go home at 5Pm regardless, because they want to spend time with their family. The food and stuff all available here, the choices we are allowed and the freedom we are given in terms of what we want and what we wish to see change.

But at the same time, a part of me longs to go back to the familiarity of home. People have asked me... why do you want to go back? Have you not considered staying? Why go home to a place that has messy politics, and not exactly the best place to live in?

To me, that's exactly the reason why I want to go back. You've said it yourself, its home. And home has never been a more profound word for me.

It was where I was brought up, where everything that is near and dear to my heart is. Where else can I find shops that open till the dead of the night, places to eat and hang out when we leave university at 11PM because its been a long day with plenty to do? Despite the mess and everything that is bad within Malaysia, it is the place where I'm familiar, and to me, it is more home than anywhere else could ever be. For better or for worst, its home to me, and I think that helping it to be a better 'home' would infinitely be a better alternative then just running away... because running away is never going to solve anything. Nothing is perfect, and there's always going to be some bad or some good in every country, no matter where we go to.

So home it is, and I would be there to stay. But I'll be lying if I said it didn't pain me to leave the land down under where I've grown accustomed to, attached and love for the past four or so months. And I will be back, someday. If only to revisit and renew all the friendships I've made and cherish here, all the memories made here, and everything that has transpired.

But first, let me get through the next week, where two papers loom and threathen to eat me alive. ):

twinkle twinkle!

things to do during one month break.

1. have a pokemon/mythbuster marathon courtesy of benny-pc. xD
2. learn more kpop dances
3. bake/cook all the recipes i've amassed but never got around to doing
4. get more books
5. read the pile of books by my bedside i never got around to reading
6. redecorate room
7. train the dog to do circus tricks
8. reorganize and download new songs for Itunes

because i'm currently procrastinating on finishing the last couple of assignments for the semester, before starting to study for exams. its all too much! doesn't help that I discovered the full fourteen seasons of pokemon and have been running a crazy marathon with them ever since. bad for health, but crossing fingers assignments will still do fine.

on another note, its may! one and a half more months to going home, and bittersweet feelings all around. so many reasons to go back, but so many reasons to stay as well. T_T 

not to mention its bloody cold these days. if its not winter yet, I can definitely feel winter coming. its so difficult to get out of bed in the morning. its too ridiculously cold and it feels too warm and toasty under the quilt to get out, so I usually just lay around in bed for an hour or so playing on my ipod or reading on my kindle until I have to force myself out of bed. Lesigh. ): 

lack of updates due to assignments, exams and pokemon marathon. to de loo! xD

its a month and a half!

Bah. Exam timetables just got published, and I feel like blargh and eaugrh because I can't bring myself to start on my social assignment. Intimidated by the subject probably? Bad idea to take a sociology unit when I have no base of sociology at all, the theories are giving me a headache. Good thing authorship touched on those, or I would have been completely at sea. But anyway! Come the end of April, means I'll only have a month and a half left here, and while I'll abhor leaving my friends and my memories here... I do miss home.

Top 7 things Kitty misses most from home!

7. The Club

Of course I miss the club! Its been a major part of my university life for the past 2 and a half years, poured effort, tears and sweat in it! I miss spending every night practicing, heading out for snowflakes or ikea meatballs when we feel like it, and squabbling in the dance studio. Its the company, the memories and the friends I can't wait to fall back with when I return.

6. The Dance

Gippsland has no dance club, alls the pity. ): Honestly, I think if I were at Caulfield or Clayton where they had a proper dance crew or group, I wouldn't feel this crap. But I get next to no exercise/dance practice here, and its making me feel like clawing my way out of my skin. The closest to dance I get is going to gym every Thursday, Friday and weekends. I need to somehow make sure I don't put on so much weight... but I miss having a proper dance studio, learning and making proper choreography, and dancing in general. ): I would dance in my room, but its too damn tiny, and hell am I gonna dance in the living room. ):

5. The Food

Of course I'll miss the food! While its not so bad whenever I go to the city, Churchill has no dimsum place, or bubble tea place. No dumplings, or even desserts place! I can get all of that when I go to the city, but to be honest I think I miss eating Snowflakes and mamak the most. Plus the pork noodles, mee pok, not forgetting Ikea meatballs in Malaysia. They have ikea meatballs here, but its just not as nice and not as... good. ):

4. The Sisters

The five of them make me never have to worry about being in uni. I'll always have someone to go to, someone to call for help, someone to ask for lunch accompaniment and someone to whinge to when assignments are being ridiculous. Not that its so bad here, I have a multitude of friends here as well who I could always ask for help, but it just... isn't the same. Its a good thing I can still go and ambush one of the five of them when I pop by the city, but still... I miss our sleepovers, shopping outings and lunch dates in uni. ):

3. The Dog

My dog! T_T The furry monster I always cuddle when I get home, push off my bed when he tries to try his luck and jumps on, the one who barks like bad, tags along near my ankles, and sleeps like a pig. Oh boy do I miss him. His furry face will be the one I cuddle and squish flat when I get back<3

2. The Room

Why yes, I do miss my room, why would you find that odd? Its just not the same here kay. The room here is tiny, and I have my own bathroom and all the comforts of the world in my own room! Plus my own bolster, god knows why do Ozzies not have bolsters. =.= But yes, I miss my safe haven in the world. <3

1. The Family

And this one tops the list for making my heart ache the most. I'm missing so much! Skyping with the mother, I can see just how big and mature my nephew is growing. And then my cousins would text me whenever their together or at my grandmother's house... and I'm missing my grandmother's birthday! I want to do nothing other then fly immediately back home when I receive an update or text about anything family related, and they're also probably the one reason why as much as I've fallen in love with this city and the place, I could never bring myself to permanently move here. The family holds too much weight in my heart, and I could never bring myself to just leave like that. 

time bomb

Easter break last week! Everyone basically cleared out the residential to return home or go on week-long holidays, and I was left with an empty house for the few days that I was there. So. happy. It was empty and I could do whatever I wanted and for once, I could bake to my heart's content, play music at the loudest I like it, and have a clean kitchen! I baked like mad, and played poker with the guys, and was generally very very happy. xD

They went to the city though, and only came back on Monday. And then we decided to have a hotpot dinner on Tuesday night because it was so bloody cold! So we went to Woolies to get ingredients, but we ended up getting so much ingredients we had to lug the trolley back with us. A trolley which, by the way, is still sitting in their living room. xD

baked my salmon quiche which everyone seems to like from Malaysia till here! Hot pot was amazing too, never knew how good steamboat could be eaten on a cold night when the temperature was four degrees. Dx

Finally went down to the city on Wednesday! First stop was at Mei's house, where she asked me to bake. So I baked scones for her! Not really fluffy enough, but she's not complaining so meh. xD

Went to eureka skydeck on thursday! Met up with her brother at Flinders before heading over to what Melbournians call the tallest building in the city.

Its a pretty sunset, absolutely gorgeous view, but other then that... I really don't see what else is there to do there. We got there just before the sunset, and managed to see it set before we left, at any rate.

We went shopping on Thursday too! Saw so many cute, adorable stuff. From Chadstone, we went to Spencer mall on Friday before I left too! I spent so much, I'm pretty much broke till the end of the month. >.<

Oh, not to mention, I ate like a pig. Dinner on Wednesday, Grill'd was amazing. Thursday was scones, lunch at Chadstone food court and dinner was more dumplings. Did i mention I gorge myself on dumplings each time I go to the city? I can't get enough of dumplings!<3

Met up with the AF peeps on Friday, cause Mei had stuff to do! We had dinner at a Korean place they brought me to, where I finally satisfied my ddukbukki cravings, and Peter ordered some intestine dish that was amazingly delicious. Steph was supposed to come as well, but she had work to do so it was just me and Peter and Ao. Mother of, the whole night Ao and Peter just went on about those pickup lines Peter was using on his korean girl friend's, and it was amusing, to say the least. I would throw a jar at the person who used those cheesy as lines on me though.

They wanted to bring me to dessert to! Apparently, this new place on Chinatown called dessert place sold stuff that was a lot like Snowflake, and darn did I have taro ball cravings. But! The place was full and had a line a mile long, so we only went to passionfruit for dessert. ):

Saturday afternoon after shopping with Mei at South Wharf's DFO, I went to meet Eunice jie at her place! Took the train to Reservoir, where here and Jere kor brought me out to dinner at Petaling Street restaurant! Surprisingly, the food there was pretty good, and I gorged on the kangkung rojak<3 After dinner we even had cakes with Uncle Patrick and Aunt Andrea! I have no idea where the cake place is though... somewhere in Box Hill I think. It was good, but I was way too sleepy to remember. xD

Dimsum cravings satisfied! I specifically requested dimsum for brunch on Sunday because I've been craving har gow since forever. The place was in Preston, and it was pretty good dimsum for a place in Melbie! Expensive, but oh so worth it. Oh, I have to mention, Sunday morning was the first time since I got to Melbie that I slept till 12, almost 1pm! I haven't been able to sleep in since forever. I think it has something to do with the curtains not being able to block out the light... either that or the cacophony of grass cutting, cows moo-ing and birds screeching outside my window by 8 is the one that wakes me up. xD

Cooked dinner for them that night! Steamed tauhoo, ku lou yok and fried kailan. Grandmother will be proudddd. :P I fed them!

Now its back to daily grind. But i can't wait to go back to the city in the beginning of May!