the end

The end of a life is always something that takes forever for my brain to process. It seems impossible to comprehend that I would never see that one person again, hear his or her voice, or see him or her talk and walk. I'm a type of person who would re-read my favourite books again and again, because its the experience I'm in it for, not the ending.

So when news of death comes to me, its always surreal. And I always rage about how the world is unfair. Why did they have to take my loved ones away? Its almost come to a point where I'm afraid of what the future would bring now. More loss, more pain, more heartache?

They took you away too early. Its always been a ritual for me to meet you at least once whenever I have business in Building 6. And you would always greet me with a smile, sir. Most of the time you would be holding a cup of coffee, or returning to the office. Between the lecturers, you and Chin Huat were the hardest to locate whenever we needed your assistance on assignments. So we would camp outside both of your doors, since they were conveniently located next to each other.

Today, we camped outside your door again. Hoping, so fervently that you would turn up. Its is a fat wish, but we looked, nonetheless. It feels so surreal, that time should go on without your presence. Your sarcasm, wit and charisma was legendary. You always had time to help us, no matter how tight your schedule was. And the way you spoke about your most passionate subject, always had us most enraptured. Why else do you think we spoke so little during tutorials? Not because we had nothing to say, but because we were so content to let you speak. Your joy and enthusiasm was infectious, and a marvel to watch.

And you were so proud of us too, whenever we did well on our assignments. The proud, satisfied smile you would give as you hand us a HD or D back on our assignments is probably why all of us work so hard to please you. You were one of the first lecturers I honestly looked up to, idolized, and loved. You had knowledge and wisdom, and you were never afraid to share them. I only had one semester with you, and that was enough to make me look forward to FTV, and even wonder if I should change one of my electives to independent film studies. The way you spoke about your senior subjects made everyone so curious to try it out.

But it looks like I'll never get to have another semester with your great presence.

Wouldn't it be great if I could hear your laugh now? That sarcasm dripping from your words as you reprimanded someone, or the way to rebuked a comment about a film that you felt particularly strongly about? The way your out-of-the-blue comments are so accurate, yet carry so much of your essence, it would never fail to make us laugh. I remember your comments on so many films, and so many other things. You were a force that was unlike any other, a personality unique above all else.

But the world had to take you away. Way too early. If we were given our choice, it would never be your time. Because everyone deserves a chance to know you. But we're not the one pulling the strings.

We'll remember you, thats forever true. You're the one that we'll always miss, never thought it would end like this. Benjamin McKay, greatly loved and sorely missed. May you be happy and well wherever you are, RIP.